Thank you God for Shin Splints-Part 2

(continued story of Chase's birth)
As the afternoon went on, it appeared that Chase was going to come out of his oxygen deprivation by morning. He was unstable....requiring more oxygen at times, less at other times. All of our family went home to our house and everyone had a peace. I had still not held Chase and that was killing me.Glenn stayed with me at the hospital through the night. At 4am, I woke up very suddenly. I woke Glenn and asked if he would go to the nursery and check on the baby. He did. Once again, he didn't come back. I let my mind think that he was probably feeding him and rocking him. Almost 2 hours went by before he came back. Thanks to pain medication, I slipped in and out of sleep so I didn't know how long he had actually been gone.

The pediatrician came in very soon after Glenn got back to my room. All of the other newborns had been sent to their mommies so that the nursery staff could focus on Chase. The doctor sat at the end of my bed and with the words he spoke, our journey in hell seemed to be beginning.He told us that Chase did not have c-section lungs. He was getting worse. He was getting worse quickly. He told us that he (the dr.) couldn't do anything for him. He needed to be shipped to a NICU. I remember asking if it would be by ambulance and he very sternly, but very sympathetically said, No. He will need to go by helicopter and he needs to go quickly. WOW.That is when I realized we were in a life and death situation. I remember asking my daddy, "daddy, he must be really sick, hunh?" That is when he turned to me, with a lump in his throat and said, "yes he is. well babbies don't go on helicopters."

They continued to stabilize Chase and then came and got me to go see him before he left. I don't know why, but I felt like I had to be strong and not cry for him. I can still feel and visualize myself standing at his isolette and just began to pray out loud for him.

Glenn and I went to a patient room by ourselves and then I fell apart. I could not breath. It was horrible. I knew that very possibly I had seen my first born child for the last time. As I cried out to Glenn he comforted me through his own tears and heartbreak. Then the words he spoke to me, were words that only a God fearing man could speak. He said, "Karen, you know to keep Chase, we must give him back to God first. I already have now you need to hand him over to God." WOWWWW. That is when I knew I had married a man of God. I am always honest, and replied to Glenn, "I can't. I just can't yet." He said he understood but that I knew that Chase belonged to God anyway. After more praying and crying, I was able to say the prayer and then I returned this precious gift from God back to Him. Back to Him to do whatever He needed to do. I maintained no claim on this child as "mine". By far, that was the hardest thing I have ever done. (to be continued)